The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
"c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should
klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always
been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horibl mes
of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go
By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to oza
kombinations of letas.
After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech oza.
Ze drem of an united urop vil finali kum tru!